Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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