Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
