Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
