I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
