What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
