I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
