My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
