I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
