i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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