I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
