so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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