for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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