Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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