Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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