Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
