are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He shit in the fireplace
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize