You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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