i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
