I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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