How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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