i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
