can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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