The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
