I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I sprained my soul last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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