we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
