new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
