what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
