he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
