just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
