my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
