Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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