and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
