I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
no, he came in my armpit
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize