So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
