If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
