I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
