I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How's work?
Spinning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
