i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
