wat bout pragnant strippers??
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
