there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love accidental penises.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
