Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
