i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
