i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
