Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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