I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
