I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
