i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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