i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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