I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
