I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
