Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
bring money and cleavage
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Shame - the story of my life.
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