my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
