Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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