Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
