you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
