Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
