There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize