glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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