Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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