my phone needs a breathalizer
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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