erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
