i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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