So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
