i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
