so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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