too bad you live with your parents still
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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