Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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