MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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