I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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