he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
