i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
