Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
