So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
