I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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