the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
