Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
