AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
