i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
