From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
