i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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