It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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