Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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