Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There are leaves in my underwear?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
