I look better un-naked...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
