you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
