you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize