By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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