Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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