It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
