wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
