I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I cut my penus on the lid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
