Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
