we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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