yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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