i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize