yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize