..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
