Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
