her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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