I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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